Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
