5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
