i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
