i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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