I must be too annoying 4 u.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
