dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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