my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Damn victory sex feels great
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
