ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
