I wanna bring you to show and tell
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
