haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
