I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
