She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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