I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
