I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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