I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
That's how pantless uber rides happen
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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