Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
