Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
