erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
