Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize