Whod you bang
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
