Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
