I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
