One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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