Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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