two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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