im six kinds of drunk right now
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just found a bag of teeth...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
