we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
