Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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