Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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