i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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