We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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