You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
