its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
