Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize