we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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