i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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