You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
