woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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