She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
