the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
