am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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