he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
porn star boner night. come get it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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