I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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