how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Rumble strips road head = magical
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize