I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
