I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
