im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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