Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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