she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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