I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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