Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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