Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
