u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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