Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize