just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
