I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
did i just pee glitter
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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