for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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