she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
