Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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