The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
