what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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