U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
