There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize