my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
