did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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