At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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