Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
