i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
