u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
