The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
