what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
