On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
