an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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