wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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