i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
