Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
