I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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