Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We talked him into tasing himself.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
