I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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