..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
